


Times Forgotten But Not Lost

by EllimacFanWorks



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Memory Loss, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Reconciliation, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-22 00:43:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13752654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllimacFanWorks/pseuds/EllimacFanWorks
Summary: Yuri’s head pounded, it was like every fiber of his being was rejecting the very idea of his own brain. It was almost torturesome, any and every thought running through him was a plea for release, not being able to handle the excruciating grip that was wringing out his brain like a wet washcloth, but no sound escaped his lips. They couldn't, he couldn't. He was in a nightmare of pitch black paralyzation.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! Ellimac again! Sorry I stopped my last Fic, I may start it up again, but my favorite fanfic writer wasn't very nice to it so I lost motivation. I will try to update this at least once a week!  
> This will be a slow burn and it starts angsty, but fear not it won't always be that way. It is heavily about Otabek and Yuri, but will have componants of Viktor and Yuuri as well. Let me know if you like it so I can stay motivated!
> 
>  
> 
> I do not own Yuri on Ice, just here to make some fanfic!
> 
> Enjoy!  
> -Ellimac

Yuri’s head pounded, it was like every fiber of his being was rejecting the very idea of his own brain. It was almost torturesome, any and every thought running through him was a plea for release, not being able to handle the excruciating grip that was wringing out his brain like a wet washcloth, but no sound escaped his lips. They couldn't, he couldn't. He was in a nightmare of pitch black paralyzation. 

Every plea was silent and every attempt to writhe in agony was held down by the force of his own consciousness. Yuri thought a thousand miles a minute, but nothing would come together through the pain and confusion. He knew who he was, or at least his name, but every other thought was cloudy and covered in a thick fog he could practically taste. 

“Fuck!” He was mentally screaming, his brain not only felt like a smoothie, but was also just as useful as it would have been filled with strawberries and bananas. The only thoughts able to flood over the fog was of pain. 

Abruptly, he began to feel warmth spreading from his arm and up his chest to his head, then it proceeded down his legs in steady waves washing over him. It started comforting and numbing the pain that was ragging only moments before. His head spun, not unpleasantly, nothing that had the power to alleviate that pain could be considered ‘unpleasant’. 

Like a light being switched Yuri was gone, sleeping in between a state of life and whatever was after. Yuri didn't mind, as long as his head stopped fucking screaming, he was thrilled. 

Days kept going back and forth like that, at least it felt like days, or years, fuck it could be hours, Yuri didn't know. He just wished for those moments of blissed out nothingness before the storms came rolling into his head and body again. 

As time went on the pain slowly decreased to a dull ache that was nothing more than a nuisance, but as the pain fled Yuri became exhausted and fled into the blissful sleep every time the warmth began. 

Just as quickly as he became accustomed to the void, it started to fade like the pain had. Everyday, or moment, or whatever it was, became less about sleep, void of dreams, and more about his brain waking up to his senses. 

Some days he could hear muffled voices, machines beeping and inaudible talking to, what sounded like, him. Piece by piece Yuri tried to put everything together again, like poor humpty dumpty, not knowing where to even start. Why couldn't he see or move? 

Little by little he could feel his fingers and toes, it wasn't much, but it was hope. Yuru tried to wiggle the stiff and unused, in who knows how long, muscles of his hands and feet.

They barely moved. More like a twitch, but fuck it, it was something, anything. Even that bit of effort felt exhausting and he soon fell back into sleep. Real sleep. 

Beeping! Yuri could hear beeping. Not muffled or muted, but loud and clear. Hospital, he was in a hospital. He also felt for the first time, not muted pain in his head, but the feeling of a pillow against his tender scalp, the sheets under him ruffled and wrinkled uncomfortably by his ankles, and the absence of needing to pee. He didn't want to know why. 

He began to pry his eyes open slowly, his heavy lids began to lift heavily, like they wanted to keep Yuri's emerald eyes a secret forever. Bright, it was practically unbearably bright. The fake iridescent lights burned his eyes, but again, fuck it. The white light haze began to fade and he could finally see. 

Obviously a hospital. Plain walls and machines all over. Yuri was scared. So many things had seemed to go on around him, about him, for him, but why? What the fuck happened? 

He felt the button under his hand, undoubtedly placed by a nurse in hopes of him waking up and pushing it. Today was the day. He pressed the button, a much harder task than anticipated with numb, unused hands. He relaxed back to wait, already tired from such a half assed effort. 

Yuri heard rushed footsteps and the door slamming open. He sat up as quickly as possibly, startled by the intrusion. Standing at his door, coffee in hand, was a shorter, muscular man. His hair the same color as the coffee he was holding, buzzed on the sides but long on top. Eyes sharp and piercing. But his mouth was pulled up in a smile, a huge smile. It looked strange on his usually stoic face. Otabek.  
Before the could say anything another man came in behind him in a white coat, obviously the doctor.  
“Yuratchka! You're awake! I'm doctor Jablonsky! How are you feeling?”  
Yuri finally turned his attention to the doctor, “Um ok I guess? Fuzzy? Why am I here?” Yuri couldn't help to look back at Otabek. Why was he here anyway? How serious must it be if Otabek came all the way from Almaty? 

The doctor spoke again.  
“Of course! Sorry about that. You had a fall on the Ice”  
the doctor kept talking as he checked Yuri's hospital bracelet and began typing on the computer in the room.  
“you hit your head pretty hard. You ended up needing some stitches.”  
Yuri reached up to feel his head. Not only were there stitches, but his hair. His shoulder length hair was longer. Much much longer. It went halfway down his back. He practically began to scream.  
“How long was I fucking out for! What the fuck is all this!”  
he yelled clutching his long hair, in obvious need of a brush and a wash. 

Otabek and the doctor shared confused glances which only made Yuri more concerned. Otabek slowly walked to the bed and sat down next too him.  
“Yura, you were only asleep for five days, the doctors kept you sleeping to wait for the swelling and trama to go down. We didn't do anything to your hair, well, not anything, I tried to wash it but it didn't work to well”  
he laughed half heartedly and stroked Yuri's hair affectionately. In turn Yuri turned as red as a tomato and scooted away from the touch as much as his weak body would allow. 

“What the fuck are you talking about Otabek” Yuri nearly spat the words, that and using Otabeks full name in combination made him flinch.  
“my hair was never this fucking long! It was what, here?”  
he gestured to his shoulders and began to shake. What the fuck is going on!  
“And why are you here? If it wasn't a big deal, shouldn't you be in Almaty?”  
Otabek’s eyes widened briefly and his face fell, falling into his typical stoic expression. All the emotions previously displayed wiped away in an instant. 

Otabek turned to the doctor furiously, but spoke in such a calm tone it was even more terrifying, sending shivers down Yuri’s spine.  
“what's going on? Why doesn't he remember?”  
The doctor was quick to reply looking mostly at Yuri while answering Otabeks question.  
“Some memory loss is common with this kind of injury. There is no guarantee it will all come back, but most of the time it does and it doesn't take too long”  
The doctor voice was laced with a hint of worry. 

The door to his bedroom opens again and this time its Viktor and Yuuri bounding into the room like a couple of love sick puppies.  
“Yurio!!!”  
They both yelled in unison. Yuri was getting more mad and confused by the minute. Not able to contain the anger boiling inside him.  
“ Why are you and the pig here?”  
Yuuri visibly recoiled at the harsh nickname he hadn't heard in years  
“And why are you calling me Yurio and why is he calling me Yura?”  
He points to Otabek and the older mans face instantly falls  
“And can someone please tell me what in the FUCK is going on!” 

Viktor and Yuuri’s faces fell looking to the doctor and Otabek for answers. Otabek is the first to reply, face looking down at the ground, visible tears dripping to his shoes no matter how desperately he tries to hide it.  
“He doesn't remember”  
Both Viktor and Yuuri look confused and shocked, staring at one another for answers before turning to look at Yuri who is the next to respond. This time in a quiet whisper.  
“what don't I remember?”  
His question is laced with worry and sadness before he even hears the reply. 

Otabek makes his way over to a full body mirror on the opposite end of Yuri's room and looks into it, gesturing Yuri to come join him. The doctor goes to advise Yuri not to stand up, but receives a pointed look from the blonde that tells him he doesn't give a shit. As he slowly gets up on shaky legs and makes his way to Otabek, he finally answers his question. 

“Yura, you stopped cutting your hair at 15. I stopped living in Almaty almost 2 years ago. You have been called Yurio since before you were 16. You stopped calling Yuuri ‘pig’ when he married Viktor 3 years ago, and I started calling you Yura on your 18th birthday a little over a year ago.”  
Yuri stopped moving right behind Otabek. Looking into the mirror with only more questions than the answers he was just given. Yuri was 19? How was he 19? And taller than Otabek, with long limbs and long hair flowing down his back. How was this him? Otabek started to talk again, not even attempting to hide the tears streaming down his face as he looked at Yuri through the mirror, shocking him to his core.  
“Yura, you don't remember us?”  
Otabek pointed between them, it came out as more of a question than it did a statement. 

And Yuri had no idea what Otabek was talking about.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Otabek had showed Yuri his reflection things started fitting into place. Not memories, but feelings. Otabek’s tears tore at his heart in a way he couldn't explain. He felt awful for referring to Yuuri as a pig knowing it felt wrong after it crossed his lips. The warm feeling he got from Otabek calling him Yura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not own Yuri on ice!  
> This is just my fanfic based on the series, enjoy!  
> -Ellimac

After Otabek had showed Yuri his reflection things started fitting into place. Not memories, but feelings. Otabek’s tears tore at his heart in a way he couldn't explain. He felt awful for referring to Yuuri as a pig knowing it felt wrong after it crossed his lips. The warm feeling he got from Otabek calling him Yura. 

There was so many feelings swelling like a tight coil and he couldn't place half of them. The feelings were there, but the memories behind them weren't. He felt like falling apart. He just needed to be alone and think for a while.

Yuri slowly turned around and made his way back to his bed, back turned to everyone he loved. Everyone? No. What about his grandfather? His stomach clenched uncomfortably at the thought and knew the answer without any memories. The pain in his heart enough to tell him he wasn't alive any longer. The most important person in his world was gone and he couldn't remember why or when it happened. His own tears began to fall and he could only hope no one noticed.   
“Leave. Everyone please leave.”   
His voice betrayed him and it came out in quiet raspy huffs of breath. 

No one argued, probably because they could hear the strain in his voice, so foreign on his normally sharp tongue. Yuri could hear the shuffling of feet and the door closing slowly. Yuri sat on his bed with his head in his hands, hair falling around him like a golden aura. His feelings were a mess and he knew he needed to sort through them, but his body was pulling him back into sleep. How could he be this fucking exhausted after doing nothing but sleeping for so long? His last thoughts slipped away as darkness took over again. This time restless and laced with dreams and feelings he couldn't understand.   
\-------------------------------------------------------------  
Otabek was falling apart and everyone could see it. Once Yuri kicked them out him Viktor and Yuuri went to the resting area for some coffee and to clear their heads. Not surprisingly to anyone Viktor was the first to talk, but his tone was heavy and sad, nothing like the light fluffy tone he usually carried.   
“So, that could have gone better. But he's awake at least. His memories are all over the place though, he doesn't seem to know where anything starts and stops”   
Otabek just grunted a reply not trusting his voice when the tear stains were still drying on his tanned skin. His hands were locked together at the back of his head as he sat staring at the floor, not caring about his rapidly cooling coffee that tasted more muddy since the first day he came to stay with Yuri. 

Suddenly a pale hand and an olive hand landed on either knee and he looked up. Viktor and Yuuri were both crouching in front of him with pain tinged smiles. It was now Yuuri’s turn.   
“Otabek he will remember. Maybe not right away but things will start falling into place. Just give him time. It isn't possible for him to forget the love you two share.”

Otabek wished away the tears that were starting to form again and clenched his fists to keep the tears at bay while he responded. His voice was so quiet and broken. Like nothing Viktor or Yuuri had ever heard.   
“You two know how hard it was for him to admit his feelings the first time. What if we have to go through that again!? Him refusing to be who he really was, stating that there was no way he was gay and that he wasn't some sort of “fairy”! No matter how much everyone accepted us and honestly, no one even really gave a shit after you two, but fuck-”  
Otabek huffed as tears stung his eyes again.  
“I don't want to have to go through that again. I love him so fucking much and we were doing so well. We were perfect! And what am I supposed to do when he can go home? How do I explain everything?” 

Otabek was shaking with fear and frustration, his primed and proper stoic mask shattered and he couldn't care less in the moment. Viktor gave him a sad smile,  
“Otabek he already seems to remember some feelings at least. It won't be easy but give him time. He will come back to you. Just do what you can and the rest will fall into place, yeah?”  
All Otabek could do was nod, take a deep breath, and fix his mask. He could do this for Yura. For them.   
\---------------------------------------------------------------   
A knock on the door startled Yuri from what ever dream he was having, but it fluttered across his eyelids and disappears as soon as they opened.   
“Come in”   
His voice was quiet and hoarse with sleep, looking at the clock across the wall he sees its almost noon. He had only been sleeping for a couple hours, but felt a little more human already.   
“Hi Yuri! I'm Ann, I’m a neurologist here, can we talk for a bit?”  
She sat in the chair beside his bed not making it seem like he had much of a choice. He nodded.  
“Great!-”   
She was way too perky for Yuri's taste, especially in this conundrum.   
“Yuri I heard you are having some memory issues due to your fall, can you tell me more about that?”   
Yuri wanted to gag at her phrasing, but decided that it was only her job to use “therapeutic communication” and help his sharp comments back again.

“Not really. I dont know whats going on exactly and I don't know what I can and can't remember and my memories are all scattered and mixed up, but I know i'm missing some because there are feelings that dont fix the memories I have”  
Yuri huffed a breath after his rant. He just wanted all this figured out and he wanted to go home and get away from the sterile smell of hospital and be wrapped in his and Otabek’s scent-

 

His eyes snapped back open at the thought not realizing he had closed them.  
“Yuri did you hear me?” Ann’s face looked concerned about his sudden detachment from reality.   
“Sorry what was that?”  
Yuri was still dazed from his sudden thoughts of Otabek. He could even vaguely remember the woody scent of him mixed with leather and motorcycle grease. Ann smiled pleasantly and repeated her question for Yuri  
“I asked what you meant by emotions and memories not adding up.”

She could sense Yuri's reluctance to answer her question and continued gently.  
“Yuri it's really important for you to be honest with me. It's easier to help you if I know what i'm trying to help with”  
Yuri sighed softly knowing she was right but not wanting to admit it. 

“I mean that my memories are behind my feelings-” Yuri shifted uncomfortably and looked down at his hands.  
“I remember being, angry? At the other Yuuri, or jealous I suppose. But I don't feel that way. I remember those emotions, but I feel nothing but friendship for him now. I know i'm missing pieces in between why I feel that way and why I remember something completely different.”   
Yuri sighed. He really wanted to know about the feelings that were bubbling up about Otabek, but chose the less embarrassing example. 

The doctor looked excited about his response.   
“That's great Yuri! Your memories may be lost in that brain of yours but they aren't forgotten. Give them time to surface again. Use those emotions as a guideline for people and ask them questions if you need to. No one will blame you for that.”  
The doctor seemed very excited about his prognosis which in turn gave Yuri some hope. But another question bubbled up uncomfortably in his throat. 

“What about skating? I'm guessing I can't go back right away but when can I skate again?”   
Yuri’s skin was practically itching for the ice beneath his blades again. Ann looked at the notes she had made on her paper and flipped through Yuri's chart with a complentative expression. 

“Well we will need to do some tests on balance and muscle movement, but you look to be doing well. You will probably be discharged within this week if everything looks good. As for skating it's the offseason now I believe so you will probably have to hold out for a full season-”  
Ann saw Yuri's face fall and continued happily

“-But, after all the tests and once we see no lingering damage, probably a couple weeks, you can skate leisurely. Just be careful, yes?”   
Yuris mood automatically picked up, he didn't care about competing really, he just wanted back on the ice. 

Yuri smiled and thanked Ann for all her help. Then they did the extra tests and Yuri seemed to be in good shape. A little stiff and weak from spending so much time in bed, but overall he looked healthy. Once Ann spoke to his attending physician he did his own tests and declared that Yuri was doing better than they could have hoped. They wanted him to stay for observations for another day but then he would be free to go home. Yuri was ecstatic, until he asked himself, where is home?


End file.
